


Looking Through the Eyes of Love

by Navajo_Woman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Accidental Pregnancy, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, FTM Castiel, M/M, Transgender, trans!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:24:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navajo_Woman/pseuds/Navajo_Woman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is a FTM transgender. He is trying to keep his secret safe but Dean is making it hard. Finally Cas lets Dean know, but Dean doesn't care. This leads to dating, which leads to a relationship, which leads to an accidental pregnancy. The rest is just life, well, lived.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is important to me because I am a FTM transgendered person. This story is told from my perspective. It is just a STORY and it is just MY story. So please, don't jump on me or bitch me out becasue you disagree with how I wrote it.

“Hey Cas.”

Dean slid into the booth and smiled to hear Cas sigh.

 

“Go away, Winchester. I’m busy.”

 

“You don’t mean that, Cas. I know you’re secretly glad to see me. If nothing else, I’m good for your ego.”

 

Cas looked up from the book he was reading.

“Oh yeah,” he replied, “I just love being stalked.”

 

Dean laughed.

“No stalking, dude. Just agree to go out with me and you’ll see my intentions are, well, sort of honorable.”

 

Cas went back to his book.

“No, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled and said, “One day, I will wear you down, Cas.”

He slid out of the booth and went to class.

 

Meg walked up and said, “How long have you been turning that boy down? Months, that’s how long. Why not just go out with him once and then let him down easy?

 

Cas looked at his best friend and simply said, “You know why.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Cas! I didn’t say to have sex with him, just let him take you out once. He seems like a really nice guy and I happen to know for a fact that you like him.”

 

Cas got up, threw down a couple dollars and just said, “Shut up Meg.”

Time for class.

 

Creative Lit was Cas’ favorite class. He loved the writing process and loved being able to say things that other people resonated with using only words. No facial expressions, no body language, just words. Words have power.

He walked in and immediately saw Dean grinning at him from a row near the back. Cas sat two rows ahead of him, just to give himself the space he needed. He hated feeling Dean’s eyes on him.

 

 

It was Friday and there was a party. Meg convinced Cas to go with her while she scoped out her latest crush, a guy in the engineering school. He stood in the corner, feeling completely out of place. He’d probably had way too much to drink.

He decided to leave. Just as he got outside, a voice says quietly, “Hey Cas.”

 

Fuck.

 

He turned around and said, “Hey Dean.”

 

Dean walked up to him and Cas could feel him, too near for comfort.

“Are you leaving?”

 

Cas nodded. Suddenly he didn’t trust his voice.

 

“Let me ask you something. Why won’t you go out with me? I know you like me. I know you do. Why you gotta be so secretive?”

 

Cas let out the breath he had been holding.

“Because, Dean, I have a secret. It requires being secretive.”

 

Dean looked at him for too long. It was uncomfortable. Cas wanted to go but he just couldn’t make his feet obey his mind.

“I don’t care what your secret is, Cas. I just want a chance with you. Let me show you that I can keep a secret too.”

 

Cas silently cursed the fact that he was drunk. He shouldn’t even be talking to Dean. Too dangerous.

 

Dean gently pushed Cas up against the wall behind them. He grabbed Cas’ face in his hands and kissed him. Cas struggled but not very hard. He kissed back.

 

Dean put his hands on Cas’ hips and pulled him closer.

Cas began to struggle.

“No. No, Dean, let me go.”

 

Dean held on.

“Cas, what’s wrong? I’m not going to hurt you. Calm down.”

 

“Fuck. You want to know what’s wrong, Winchester? Here, this is what’s wrong.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and pressed it between Cas’ legs. He rubbed Dean’s hand around.

 

 

“That’s what’s wrong. Happy? Satisfied? Ready to tell everyone? Fuck.”

 

Dean looked at him. He stared into Cas’ eyes until Cas was forced to look down. Hot tears ran down Cas’ face.

 

Dean said very quietly, “Cas. I didn’t know, but I don’t care. Do you hear me? I don’t care.”

 

Cas angrily wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“What the fuck, Dean. Of course you care. You had a crush on a guy because you’re gay and you thought he was too. Well, surprise, I’m not a guy. I’m just some transgendered freak.”

 

Dean grabbed Cas’ face and forced him to look at him.

“You are very fucking wrong, Novak. I have a crush on a person because I think that person is awesome and I want to get to know that person better. I don’t give a fuck what’s between your legs. I was not asking out a cock or a pussy. I was asking _you_ out.”

 

Cas just slumped in Dean’s arms.

“Come on, Cas, let’s go get some coffee.”

 

Dean led Cas through the wet grass that surrounded the frat house where the party was. They came to Dean’s car and he bundled Cas into it.

Dean drove to an all-night coffee shop a good way from the college, where they were unlikely to run into anyone they knew. Dean found them a booth in the back and sat next to Cas. He ordered them both coffees.

When the coffee arrived, Cas took a sip of his. He looked wrecked to Dean. Dean put a hand on Cas’ arm.

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re completely safe with me.”

 

Tears started again. It really hurt Dean to see Cas cry and he could tell it was terribly embarrassing to Cas.

“Fuck. I’m a drunk fucking mess.”

 

That actually made Dean laugh.

“Yeah, you kind of are.”

 

Cas actually smiled a little and said, “Gee, thanks Winchester.”

 

They drank some coffee in silence. Got a refill.

 

“I can see why you wanted to not go out with me, but now, you don’t have any excuse. I know your secret and I still want to take you on a date. So, we’re going on a fucking date.” Dean’s tone said he was not taking no for an answer this time.

 

Cas quietly said, “Yeah. Okay.”

Dean reached out and squeezed Cas’ hand.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

 

As Cas was getting out of the car, Dean said, “I’m gonna call you tomorrow. Don’t even think about not answering. We’ll discuss the date then.

Cas nodded.

 

 

At home, in bed, Dean put his hands behind his head and just thought things through. He had never had any idea that Cas wasn’t genetically a guy. But now that he knew, it really didn’t matter to him. It was a bit weird, considering he had always thought of himself as being strictly gay, but it really didn’t matter.

He now understood so much more about Cas. Why the guy was so adamant about not living in a dorm. Why he always wore such baggy jeans. Why, come to think of it, Dean had never seen Cas ever use a public bathroom. It must have been so hard for him.

Dean had always been attracted to Cas’ delicate features, his slim, artistic fingers, his beautiful eyes.

Now Dean was beginning to feel very protective.

Interesting…

 

 

Cas was drifting off into a drunken sleep. He smiled. Dean knew and he didn’t care.

 

 

 

Cas was on his second cup of coffee when the phone rang. It was Dean.

 

“Hey, Winchester.”

 

“Morning, sunshine. How’s the head this morning?” Dean sounded impossibly cheerful.

 

“Pounding, thanks.”

“Not surprised. Now, we have a date to discuss. I want to take you out tonight. Dinner, dress casually. I’ll pick you up at six.”

 

Cas started to protest but Dean cut him off.

“Oh no you fucking don’t. I’m not giving you a chance to back out. Be ready at six.”

 

 

When Dean pulled up in front of Cas’ apartment, the door opened immediately and Cas walked out.

“Wow, don’t give a guy a chance to come to the door, Cas. Can I at least open the car door for you?”

Cas looked embarrassed and nodded.

 

In the car headed to the restaurant, Dean said, “Cas, I’m proud of you for telling me. It had to have been hard. But I want you to know that I meant what I said. I’ll keep your secret safe. You can trust me.”

Cas just looked out the window at the passing scenery.

 

At the restaurant, they got a booth and each got a beer. They ordered cheeseburgers and fries, which this place was famous for.

 

While they waited on the food to arrive, Dean said, “I really love the way you write, Cas. You are by far the best writer in our creative writing class. Did you always love to write?”

 

Cas actually smiled. (score one for me, Dean thought)

“Yeah, I used to write a lot in junior high, trying to sort out my feelings. I was lucky to get an excellent teacher in high school who gave me a ton of encouragement and was pretty well responsible for me getting the scholarships.”

 

Once the ice was broken, they chatted during dinner. Favorite books, music, even Netflix was touched on. It was a nice dinner and over a bit too soon for both of them.

 

When they left the restaurant, Cas started to walk to the car but Dean took his arm and said, “We’re walking for a bit.”

Dean led them a couple of blocks to a public park.

Cas laughed, “Now what” You gonna push me down the slide?”

 

Dean just led him to the swings.

“Nope. I read what you wrote about loving the swings as a kid. They made you feel free and like you could fly. I want to help you feel that way again, tonight.”

Cas looked at him for what seemed like minutes. Then he sat down and said, “Push me.”

 

 

Dean pushed Cas, who just kept saying, “Higher. Higher,” until Dean was nervous. He walked around the front of Cas and grabbed the chains to stop him.

“Easy, babe, You’ll fly for real.”

 

Cas stood up. They were so close Dean could feel Cas’ breath on his face. He leaned in and kissed Cas. Soft at first, lips brushing against each other, but then growing insistent, Dean’s tongue pushing against Cas’ lips for the way in.

Cas opened his lips and Dean’s tongue darted in. It investigated and then found Cas’ tongue. Dean swore later that sparks actually flew when they touched.

Dean pulled Cas closer and this time, he didn’t struggle against it. Dean put his hands on Cas’ hips and Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck.

They kissed for what felt like eternity.

Finally, Cas broke away and said, “I think I need to go home.”

Sighing, Dean agreed and they walked to his car.

 

Back at Cas’ apartment, Dean told him that he would call tomorrow. Cas shyly said goodnight and was gone.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Cas lay in bed and thought about what happened. First he was amazed that Dean knew about him. He had held his secret so tightly all these years, and here he had let loose of it to someone. He was just damn lucky Dean was Dean and would never tell. At least Cas thought Dean would never tell, anyway. That was the best he could hope for.

Next… kissing? Cas couldn’t imagine actually having sex with someone. He never had, mainly because of who he was. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He had laid awake many nights, imagining what sex would be like, and touching himself.

And now, Dean kissed him. Kissed him like he wanted more from Cas. Cas wondered if he should… if he could. Dean had opened up a whole new world for him, a world full of insecurities but also new possibilities. Cas head was spinning.

Cas slept.

 

In the morning, Cas’ phone sang a song indicating he had a text. When he checked, it was from Dean.

 

**9:15 Received from Dean: Morning, Cas. I was thinking maybe we could get together and talk? Say, your place in an hour? I’ll bring doughnuts…** **J**

Cas smiled, and texted back.

**9:20 Sent To Dean: Morning to you, and sure, bring doughnuts and I’ll let you in…**

 

His phone sang almost immediately.

**9:23 Received from Dean: Awesome! Be there in an hour.**

Cas showered and dressed. He sat with a cup of coffee until he heard Dean’s distinctive car pull in the parking lot. He got up and opened the door, watching Dean come up the walk carrying a box.

 

“Morning, Cas. You’re looking good today. I come bearing gifts. Can I get a cup of coffee?”

Cas grinned and went to get Dean a cup.

 

Sitting with the coffee and eating a doughnut, Cas said, “So, we need to talk?”

Dean smiled and answered, “I think we do. I’m starting off by telling you I really like you, Cas. I mean _like_ you, like you. I want to date you. I want to be your boyfriend.”

Cas blinked. He took a moment to let that soak in, then said, “I like you too, Dean. I have no idea how to date or how to have a boyfriend, but I’m willing to learn how with you.”

Dean grinned broadly. “I’m incredibly relieved to hear that, Cas. I was about 60% sure you were going to throw me out.”

Cas smiled, “And I was about 40% sure I was too. But if I’m being honest with myself, I want to try this. I’m not making any promises. I might suck at this.”

Dean grabbed another doughnut. “I’ll get us both through this, Cas. I promise.”

 

Dean left after a second cup of coffee and an intense discussion about their lit professor and whether or not he was gay. Dean told Cas he was taking Cas to the movies tonight, and would pick Cas up at seven. He brushed against Cas’ lips and then left.

Cas was feeling breathless. This was happening, really happening. He had a boyfriend.

 

Dean picked Cas up at seven, just like he said he would. Cas was sort of afraid he had just been playing a mean trick on him, and was horribly relieved when Dean showed up. Cas had been the brunt of many cruel jokes in high school.

They went to the Paramount downtown. Dean got two tickets to see Deadpool and stopped at the concession stand for snacks. Cas suggested they just share a tub of popcorn and Dean grinned and got one.

They shared the popcorn and watched the movie. Then, when the popcorn was gone, Dean reached and grabbed Cas’ hand and held it. Ca felt goosebumps start at Dean’s touch. He laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean put his arm around Cas and held him, and Cas was in heaven.

Dean held Cas’ hand walking back to the car. When they were both in, he leaned over a kissed Cas. Before either of them knew it, they were making out. Dean had his tongue in Cas’ mouth and his hands on either side of Cas’ face. Cas had his hands around Dean’s neck.

Cas was breathless when the kiss broke apart. Dean looked at him seriously and said, “Cas, I have been fantasizing about you since the first time I ever saw you. I know it’s quick, but I have got to either fuck you or go home right now.”

Cas was scared. But he thought, ‘it may be now or never. I don’t want to die a virgin. I trust Dean…’

Cas blushed and said, “I don’t want you to go home.”

Dean kissed him again, and then drove to Cas’ apartment.

Inside the door, Dean pushed Cas up against the wall and began to kiss him wildly. He pushed one of his legs in between Cas’. Cas was moaning.

They made it to the bedroom. Dean began to take Cas’ clothes off, and that’s when Cas got really scared.

“Uh, no, Dean. No, I changed my mind.”

Dean stepped back and said, “Why?”

Cas looked at the floor. “You know why.”

Dean lifted Cas’ face to look at him. “No, Cas. I really don’t.”

 

“Dean, I’m… I’m not _equipped_ to do this.”

Dean looked annoyed. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Cas. I told you I don’t care. We can work it out. Now, do you _really_ want to stop?”

Cas shook his head no. Dean kissed him again and continued to take Cas’ clothes off. When he got to Cas’ underwear, which were boxers, he just pulled them down and never blinked an eye.

Cas felt embarrassed but Dean didn’t seem to be put off at all. He just pushed Cas towards the bed and Cas lay down on it.

Dean stripped. Cas watched him and got a thrill when he saw Dean’s cock. It was thick and very hard.

 

Cas was extremely flat-chested, always had been. In fact, in every way except between his legs, Cas looked like a guy. Dean was kissing Cas’ chest and sucked on his nipples. Cas gasped and moaned.

Dean lifted his head and asked Cas if he had any lube.

Cas had been experimenting with putting his fingers inside himself, so he did. He grabbed it from the bedside table and handed it to Dean. Dean poured some in his hand and lubed up two of his fingers.

He reached down and played a finger around Cas’ asshole. Cas sucked in a huge breath. Dean slid one finger into Cas and Cas felt something he had never, ever felt before. It was wonderful.

He moaned, “Oh god, Dean…”

Dean pushed the finger in and out of Cas. Cas pushed against it every time it slid in.

Then Dean had two fingers in Cas. He was scissoring them in Cas.  Dean whispered, “Babe, you’re so tight. I have to ask… are you a virgin?”

Cas nodded.

Dean took a deep breath. Cas was petrified that Dean would want to stop.

Dean just said, “Then I intend to make this the best experience you can imagine. Listen, I know you’re clean because you’re a virgin. I got tested and I’m fine, so no condom.”

Dean pushed Cas’ legs up and he moved up. He put Cas’ legs on his shoulders and then he pushed just the head of his cock inside Cas. Cas gasped. It hurt but It quickly lessened. Dean pushed in more.

Cas got used to the pain, and it always went away quickly. It left behind a burn that Cas loved.

Dean was fully in Cas now, and Cas moved to signal he was fine. Dean pulled back and pushed back in and Cas pushed against him.

Cas was lost in the feeling of Dean fucking him. It was everything he imagined and really, much more. He wanted so much more.

After a bit, Dean got erratic and then thrust in to Cas. Cas felt Dean’s cum squirt up into him and it was amazing. Cas wiggled around, it was so good. Dean lay on him until his cock got soft and he pulled out. Cas felt cum leak out of him onto the bed.

Dean lifted up on an elbow and said, “Cas. I’ve never been with a girl. I need you to guide me to making you come. I want you to come.”

Cas blushed, “Dean you don’t have to…”

Dean cut him off. “Yeah, I do. Now show me what to do.”

This led to a ‘pussy 101’ class. Cas showed Dean the various parts, leading to showing him his vagina and the all-important clit.

Dean ran a finger around Cas’ clit, “Like this? Is this good?”

Cas nodded, not trusting his voice. Finally, he whispered, “Harder, and right on it.”

Dean immediately moved his finger and added one. He rubbed Cas harder and watched his reactions. Cas was short of breath and holding himself stiff. Then he said, “Ooooohhh fuck, fuck, fuck.” And he obviously came.

Dean was very pleased. He intended to incorporate this into the very next sex session they had.

Dean pulled Cas into his arms and they lay there, each lost in his own thoughts. Cas had his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean had his arm wrapped around Cas.

After a bit, Cas said, “I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve had a huge crush on you since forever, but I never in a million years ever dreamed we’d be here.”

Dean turned his head and looked at Cas. “I had a crush on you too. I figured if I just kept asking you out, I’d finally wear you down. I never dreamed you were keeping this secret. If I had, we’d have been here a lot sooner because I could have told you it didn’t matter to me.”

Cas looked at him. “It really doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

Dean smiled. “Not one fucking bit.”

Cas just shook his head. It amazed him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Cas cuddled up with Dean and felt amazing. He still couldn’t believe Dean accepted him and they had had sex and everything was fine. Cas never allowed himself to think this would ever be possible.

Cas was not stupid. He knew just about everything there was to know about gender reassignment surgery. He knew there was no way he was ever getting a penis. The ones they had were awkward and unnatural and many times, didn’t even work. The majority of female-to-male recipients just left their genitals alone. It was very discouraging to Cas. Cas wanted a working cock and would never get one. He could take the hormones, grow a beard and have his voice go down, but he’s never be fully male.

And that meant, in order to have a real relationship, he’s have to find someone who genuinely cared for him, who he really is. Someone who was understanding about the whole gender thing.

And maybe, just maybe, Cas had found that in Dean. He didn’t want to project or lay a trip on Dean but Cas could hope.

Cas had to pee, so he got up. After he did, he went to the kitchen and got each of them another cup of coffee. He heard Dean in the bathroom and then heard him go back to the bed.

Cas walked back to the bed, naked. He felt shy but his hands were filled with the cups and there was nothing he could do. He handed a cup to Dean, who scooted up into a sitting position with his back against the headboard.

Cas sat cross-legged and sipped his coffee.

Dean looked up at him. “So, Cas, where do you go from here? Have you been approved for hormones?”

Cas looked surprised, “Uh, no, not yet, but I’m close. How do you even know about that?”

Dean confessed to doing research after finding out about Cas.

Cas was touched. “You looked shit up?”

 

Dean laughed, “Yeah, I looked shit up. I want to know everything about you, Cas. I want to be there for you. I want to be your support system. I care about you.”

Cas felt sort of weepy. “Dean, you have no idea what that means to me. No one has never been there for me. I’ve never had support. It’s… it’s sort of weird for me.”

“Well, weird or not, I’m here and I’m not going away.”

With that, Dean leaned over and kissed Cas.

Cas responded and they sat their cups aside. Dean pulled Cas in close to him, and began to kiss him deeply. His tongue invaded Cas’ mouth, and his hands went to Cas’ back. He rubbed up and down Cas’ back.

Cas pulled away and laid back. Dean crawled over him and sucked on Cas’ neck. He kissed and nipped Cas’ throat and worked his way down to Cas’ collarbone. He bit and sucked a mark that would take days to go away.

Dean kissed down Cas’ chest and belly. He pushed Cas’ legs apart. He got the lube and lubed up his fingers, and pushed them into Cas’ ass. Cas sucked in his breath and fucked himself back and forth on them. With his other hand, Dean found Cas’ clit and began to rub it.

Cas was gasping and moaning. Dean loved the sounds. His cock was so hard he just had to have Cas.

He pushed Cas’ legs up and positioned himself above Cas.

Dean thrust his cock into Cas’ ass. Cas pushed against him and he continued until he was completely up Cas. He paused, letting Cas adjust to him, then he pulled back and thrust again. He gained speed and pushed in harder than he had before.

Cas groaned, “Oh fuck, Dean… it’s so good. Fuck me hard, oh god its’s good…”

Dean loved how tight Cas was. Cas just opened up and let Dean in and then tightened back around his cock. Cas was perfect.

Dean increased his speed just a little, and felt the heat begin in his balls. It spread to his belly and then pretty much encompassed him. He came so hard, he almost blacked out.

 

Cas was fisting the sheet and rolling his head from side to side. Dean reached down while he was still in Cas and found Cas’ clit. He rubbed and Cas cried out. He rubbed around until Cas came, tightening his hole around Dean’s cock and it was awesome. For both of them.

 

They just lay, catching their breath.

When he could, Cas said, “That was awesome. You are awesome.”

Dean out his hand on Cas’ belly. “No, babe, you are.”

Cas smiled. “You know, I really like doing that.”

Cas looked shy.

Dean laughed and pulled Cas close. “Everybody likes doing that, baby. But I think it’s especially good with you.”

Cas asked, “Are you my boyfriend now?”

Dean said, seriously, “Yes, Cas. I’m your boyfriend now,”

Cas grinned. “I never actually thought I’d have one.”

“Well, you were wrong. Not only do you have one now, you have one forever.”

Cas sighed. “You can’t know about ‘forever’ Dean.”

Dean rubbed a circle on Cas’ back. “I can. I know this is forever, babe.”

 

Cas just stared at him. “Dean, for you to know it’s forever, that would mean that you…”

 

Dean interrupted. “Yeah, I would have to know I loved you. Well, I do. I’ve loved you for a while, Novak, even though you wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

Cas couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

 

Dean told him, “It’s okay, I don’t expect you to know you love me yet. But you do. Love me.”

 

Cas just laid there until finally, he said, “I’m thirsty. I’m getting us a beer.”

Dean watched Cas leave, again naked. He loved that Cas was so unselfconscious with his body while being so damned shy about so much else. He really wanted to get Cas to the point where all that shyness was gone. Cas had just been isolated too long. Dean was going to change all that.

Cas came back with two beers and Dean sat up to drink his.

“So,” He said, “it’s Saturday night. What are we going to do?”

Cas was quick to say, “Oh, you don’t have to take me…”

Dean interrupted again. “Fuck Cas. Stop telling me what I don’t have to do. I know what I want to do and what I don’t want to. And right now, I want to take my boyfriend out on Saturday night. Got it?”

Cas nodded.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Dean decided they should go listen to some music and maybe dance. Cas agreed. He put on his usual baggy jeans and a Led Zeppelin T shirt.

Dean told him that he needed to ditch the baggy jeans. “Babe, there is no reason why you can’t wear tighter jeans. If you’re really worried about having a package, I’ll make you one.”

Cas’ eyes got big. “You can do that? You would do that? For me?”

Dean walked over and kissed Cas. “Of course I would. I want you to be happy and feel comfortable in your own skin, baby. I’ll get on it as soon as you get some tighter jeans, okay?”

Cas nodded happily. It made Dean feel really good to see Cas smile like that.

 

When Cas was dressed, Dean drove them to his dorm so he could change. He took Cas into his room, since everyone thought Cas was a guy no one thought a thing about it.

Dean stripped to his boxers and pulled on some button-fly jeans and a T shirt that advertised a local bar. Then he pulled Cas to him and kissed him some. Cas responded.  Dean pulled away and said, “I need to stop doing that to you or we’ll never leave this room. Come on.” And he grabbed Cas’ hand and led him back to the car.

Dean drove to a little club and parked in the parking lot. He walked around and opened the door for Cas.

“I like to be a gentleman.”

Cas grinned.

They went in and found a booth in the back. Dean slid in right next to Cas and put his arm around him. Cas scooted closer to Dean. They ordered a beer. The music was loud but not so loud that they couldn’t hear each other if they put a mouth to an ear.

 

A slow song came on. Dean grabbed Cas hand and drug him out of the booth and to the dance floor. He put his arms around Cas’ waist and Cas put his arms around Dean’s neck. They swayed to the music. Cas put his cheek against Dean’s cheek. Dean was humming the song in Cas’ ear.

When the song ended, Dean led Cas back to the booth. Once they were in, he turned Cas’ face to his and kissed Cas. Cas opened his lips and Dean’s tongue slipped in his mouth. Cas loved the feeling and wanted so much more.

They finished their beers. Cas was feeling so much, it was hard for him to sort out what was going on exactly. He had never felt so happy, he trusted Dean completely and still couldn’t believe they were in a sexual relationship. This was almost everything Cas had ever wanted.

Cas felt a familiar feeling start between his legs. He often wondered what it was really like to have a cock and feel it get hard. But the feeling he was getting was familiar and as close to that as Cas would ever get. He wanted Dean so badly.

He felt bold. He put his mouth to Dean’s ear and whispered, “Can we go back to my place and fuck?”

Dean looked at him with a look between shock and happiness. “Uh, sure.”

Dean jumped up and took Cas by the wrist. He led Cas to the car and soon they were roaring down the road towards Cas’ apartment.

The second they were inside the door, Dean picked Cas up and carried him to the bedroom. He stood Cas on his feet and pulled his T shirt over his head. Then he stood and looked at Cas standing in his baggy jeans with a bare chest.

He reached out a hand and cupped Cas’ crotch. He rubbed his hand in the exact right way to stimulate Cas’ clit, Cas moaned.

Smiling, Dean pulled Cas’ jeans and boxers off and put him on the bed.

Cas lay there watching Dean strip. As much as he hated it, his vagina was wet and running. His clit was erect. He was so horny.

Dean laid down next to Cas, and asked, “What brought this on?”

Cas blushed and said, “I was just thinking about you fucking me earlier and I got all hot and bothered.”

Dean grinned and moved down between Cas’ legs. Cas got momentarily stiff, afraid of what Dean was going to do. Dean just said, “Relax, baby, It’ll be fine.”

Dean began to lick over Cas’ asshole. Cas gasped. Dean tounged around it and then pushed the tip of his tongue into Cas. Cas was making some sweet little noises, ones that Dean had never actually heard before.

Feeling brave, Dean licked up over Cas’ vagina and up to his clit. Cas gasped and tried to pull away.

Dean just said, “It’s okay, baby, I got you.”

Cas tried to struggle but Dean held him as he licked up and over Cas’ clit. Cas began to moan and he stopped struggling. He pushed against Dean’s tongue and soon, Cas came.

Dean immediately moved his mouth back down to Cas’ ass. He tounged there until Cas was moaning again.

Then he sat up, lubed up and pressed his cock into Cas. Cas pushed against his thrust and he bottomed out.  It was so tight and hot in Cas, Dean almost felt like he could cum like that, but he didn’t want to. He fucked Cas hard, with Cas moaning and saying, “fuck, fuck, fuck” over and over again.

Finally, he couldn’t hold off any more. He thrust in hard and held, then his cum shot out of him and filled Cas. Cas whispered. “Yes, yes, Dean, yes…”

He pulled out and watched his cum leak out of Cas. It was such a pretty sight… He put his mouth on Cas and licked up his cum. Cas gasped and arched his back off the bed. Dean continued to lick his cum, then he moved up and showed Cas his tongue. Cas sucked it into his mouth. It ended with a long kiss.

Cas melted into Dean. He wrapped himself around Dean, their leg tangled and Cas’ head on Dean’s chest. Dean had his arm wrapped around Cas.

Cas sighed and said into Dean’s chest, “I do. I love you too.”

Dean lifted his head and looked at Cas. “I know you do. I knew before you did. Because I loved you before too. And now, I love you even more. You’re my life, Cas.”

Cas murmured, “I understand. I love you so much, Dean, and I trust you completely”

They lay like that until they fell asleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Cas had to work. He supported himself by doing research for students and some teachers. He also wrote term papers on the side. Cas lived very frugally. He was afraid to get a job outside of his home for obvious reasons. Dean watched TV while Cas worked.

Dean wanted to buy jeans for Cas. Cas really didn’t want him to, but Dean insisted. He took Cas to the clothing store and picked out some button flys. He took Cas to the dressing room and watched while Cas pulled off his baggy jeans and stood in his boxers. Dean handed Cas a pair of jeans. Cas pulled them on and they were nice and snug. Not skin tight but tight enough to hug Cas’ ass. Dean was going to take care of the package.

Dean bought Cas three pair. He absolutely insisted. “I can buy a present for my boyfriend if I want to. Now hush. I have something to do when we get back to your place.”

Cas grinned.

Back at Cas, Dean got some socks. He rolled them up expertly, and put a bit of tape on the roll to hold them in place. When he was done, he had a tube of socks that actually looked like the shaft of a cock, He had Cas put on his new jeans, then he stuck his hand that held the sock down the front of Cas’ jeans. He looked, then adjusted, then checked it out again. When he was done, Cas had a definite bulge in his pants.

Cas looked at himself in the mirror and grinned broadly.

Dean said, “By the way, you dress to the right.”

 

Cas threw himself on Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck. “Thank you so much, you are one great boyfriend.”

 

Later they were sitting in Cas’ kitchen eating sandwiches for lunch. Dean looked at Cas for a long time. Finally, Cas got uncomfortable. “What?”

Dean asked, “Will you tell me about your family? How did you end up so completely alone?”

 

Cas looked at the wall. “It was just my mom and I. I never knew anything about my father. I always knew I was a boy. I always felt it in my heart. I never wanted to dress in dresses or do anything that girls do. It drove my mother nuts. Finally it made her really mad. In high school, I told her how I really felt and that I wanted a sex change operation. I honestly don’t think I could have told her anything worse. I could have said I was dying of cancer while I was carrying an alien baby and it would have been better. In the end, I just left. I couldn’t stand the way she looked at me anymore.

 

I finished high school staying with a friend. I got a scholarship, but I have to work to get the little extras like food. And that is the story of Cas Novak.”

Dean was really touched and sad. Cas had been through so much. And here, he had been so isolated. Dean just wished he could wave a magic wand and give Cas his heart’s desire.

 

“Baby, I love you. I hate that you went through so much pain.” Dean hugged Cas.

Cas just said, “It’s all okay. I met you, didn’t I? Plus, I’m close to being approved for hormone therapy, That’s a big deal for me.”

“That’s great, baby. I can’t wait to see you with scruff.”

Cas was grinning from ear to ear.

 

They watched a movie together, cuddling and drinking a beer. After the movie was over, Dean pulled Cas up and drug him to the bedroom. Cas stood still while Dean undressed him. When he was naked, Dean pushed him onto the bed. Cas watched Dean strip and then Dean got on top of Cas.

Dean kissed Cas, and while he did he put his hand down and found Cas’ clit. He began to play with it, making Cas moan into his mouth. He rubbed it until Cas arched his back and began to say, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” which was the signal that Cas was coming.

Then Dean got lube and lubed up his cock. He pushed a finger into Cas, judging the tightness. Cas was fairly open because of all the sex they had in the past couple of days.

Dean grabbed his cock and pushed into Cas. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and pushed back against him. Dean slid all the way into Cas and just held for a moment, both to let Cas adjust and to feel how wonderful it was inside Cas.

Then he began to push and pull, thrust and yank back, just fucking Cas hard and fast. He forgot about everything, he just lived in the moment, in the connection between them, the place where they became one. Cas was tight and hot and Dean was just lost in him.

Cas was moaning, “Oh fuck, Dean, it’s so good… good… fuck me…”

Dean head himself, “Yeah baby, yeah… gonna fuck you senseless… you’re so tight…”

Dean eventually lost his rhythm and hi thrusts became erratic, then he pushed in and came so hard, he came harder with Cas than he ever had with anyone before.

 

They lay together, just being in the moment.

  
Cas sighed, “Classes tomorrow. I guess you need to go back to the dorm.”

Dean agreed. “I need my books and shit. But I still want to see you after dinner, okay?”

Cas nodded. “Very okay.”

 

They met after dinner every night, but because one or the other of them always had someplace to be or something to do, it was four days before they had any free time alone. Cas seemed very excited.

“Dean, I have good news.”

Dean was laying next Cas and was thinking about jumping Cas, so he just said, “Yeah?”

Cas pulled Dean’s face to look at him. “Dean! I finally got approved for hormone therapy, I can start in three months.

Dean snapped immediately to attention. “Baby, that’s great. I’m so happy for you.”

Cas was beaming.

 

Dean was happy for Cas, but it had been four days since they had been together this way. He began to kiss Cas, exploring Cas’ mouth with his tongue. His hands were roaming all over Cas and Cas was responding nicely.

Dean pulled Cas’ shirt over his head and kissed down Cas throat. He sucked a mark on Cas’ shoulder right where it became his neck. Dean wanted people to see it and know Cas was his.

Dean sucked and licked his way down to Cas’ vagina. He spread Cas’ legs and began to lick Cas, running his tongue around Cas’ clit, He kept it up until Cas came, groaning and gasping and calling out.

Then he got the lube and poured some in his hand. He lubed up two fingers and then put some on Cas’ asshole. Cas moaned. Dean pushed two fingers into Cas and listened to him suck in his breath. Cas fucked himself on them. Dean scissored Cas open. He was tight because it had been so many days since they were together. Dean worked Cas open, then he pushed Cas onto his side. Dean spooned up behind Cas and lifted Cas’ top leg. Then he shoved his cock deep into Cas.

Cas threw his head back and moaned. “Oh fuck, Dean, it’s so good…”

Dean fucked Cas for all he was worth. Every time he felt he was close he would slow down, breathe deeply and clam down. He managed to keep fucking Cas for almost ten minutes. It was awesome. By the time he actually came, it was mind-blowing. He blacked out for a moment. He fell over and scared Cas. “What the fuck? You scared the hell out of me, Dean.” Cas was clearly upset.

 

“I don’t know. You just made me cum so hard I passed out a second. It’s really all your fault, baby. You make me nuts.”

Cas shook his head but he smiled, too.

 


	6. Chapter 6

They made it through another week, seeing each other only for a couple hours in the evenings. It made them unhappy but there was nothing to do about it. Finally, Friday came and they could go out, have fun and spend the night together.

Dean took Cas to the bar. They danced and drank. They both got drunk, even though they knew they shouldn’t. Dean ended up having to call a cab to get back to Cas’, no way could he drive.

Back at Cas’ Dean tore Cas clothes off. He practically threw Cas onto the bed in his haste. He licked Cas’ clit for a bit but not long enough for him to cum, and lubed up but was way too quick with the fingers, too.

“Fuck I just have to have you, Cas…”

He shoved in. Problem was, he was in the wrong place. Cas drunkenly tried to tell him. “Dude, you.., you are not in the butt. You are in the puss… dude…”

Dean wasn’t listening. He fucked Cas but he came very quickly, as result of all the alcohol he’d consumed that night. They both passed out.

  


In the morning, Cas woke up first and thought about last night. He immediately got concerned. He looked between his legs and felt around, determining that yes, Dean had cum in his vagina.

 Dean was just stirring, looking very bleary. “What’s up, babe? What ‘cha doing?”

 

“Damn it Dean. You fucked me in my pussy last night, and you came in me. What if…”

 

Dean cut him off. “Come on, babe. What are the chances? One time? Please. Let’s not worry about this. There isn’t anything we can do anyway. If you go and request the morning after pill, they’ll hold up your hormones. But you know I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me.”

 

Cas sighed. He really didn’t want to hold up his hormones. He decided to forget it, nothing probably happened anyway.

 

Dean wanted to make up for his drunken misadventures last night. He kissed Cas tenderly and rubbed a circle on his clit. He had Cas coming in no time. Then he sucked Cas’ nipples and worked his way down between Cas’ legs.

He tongued Cas’ asshole and lubed up his fingers. He took his time and opened Cas up. He laid down on the bed and pulled Cas on top of him.

“Ride me baby.”

Cas lined himself up over Dean’s cock and then slowly sad down on it. Dean watched his cock disappear inside of Cas, it was amazing. Cas put his hands on Dean’s thighs and used them to steady himself as he rose up and sat back down on Dean’s cock. Dean reached and put a finger on Cas’ clit and soon Cas was coming again. Cas sped up and it was no time before Dean came as well.

Cas fell forward onto Dean’s chest and lay there a moment. Then he pulled himself off and lay next to Dean. Dean pulled him into a firm embrace.

“I love you Cas, so fucking much.”

“I love you too. So much.”

They went back to sleep for a bit.

 

They spent the day laying around, cuddling, making out, talking and watching Netflix. Later, hunger drove them out of bed.

Cas looked around the kitchen and came up with a breakfast to fix. After some work, they were eating pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage and coffee. Dean ate like a starving man.

“It’s so wonderful that you can cook, babe.”

Cas just grinned.

But underneath, Cas was worried.

 

Back in bed, Cas was reading some research pages and Dean was writing a paper for English. Cas stopped and looked at Dean. Cas still couldn’t get over the fact that this gorgeous man loved him. Dean was the kind of guy that Cas had always had a crush on in high school but who wouldn’t give Cas the time of day. And now, Dean loved him. Cas felt very lucky.

But what would happen to this happy scene if Cas was pregnant?

What the hell would Cas do?

 

They spent the rest of the weekend at Cas’. They just wanted to be together. Dean fucked Cas three more times that weekend, still making up for his drunken slip up. Dean was petrified that Cas was pregnant but he would never let Cas see that. And he would support Cas no matter what happened. He loved Cas.

 

Three weeks later, Cas’ period was late. Cas was usually right on time. It never bothered Dean much because Cas always used tampons and they still could have anal sex.

But Cas was late. He waited two days, three… then went and bought a pregnancy test.

They both sat and waited until the lines showed up. And when they did, it definitely was a little plus sign.

All the blood drained from Cas’ face. He looked like he was going to faint. Dean made him put his head between his knees. Dean rubbed circles in the small of Cas’ back.

Cas took a deep breath, sat up and started to cry. Dean pulled him in and held him, not saying a thing. Cas sobbed.

When Cas was cried out, Dean began to talk.

“Baby, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. This is all my fault. I love you so much, I ever meant for this to happen. I swear, I’ll be here for you no matter what you want to do. Please, don’t be mad at me. I’m so sorry.”

Cas looked up at him. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. This is my fault, not yours. I should have gotten the morning after pill. I never should have left this to chance.”

 

After a while. Dean asked, “Do you know what you’re gonna do? Are you getting an abortion?”

 

Cas sighed and a tear ran down his cheek. “I don’t think I can. This baby is a part of you and me. How can I kill that? I just don’t know, but I don‘t think I can kill it, Dean.”

Dean held Cas even tighter. “I’m here for you, babe. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you want, that’s what we’ll do.”

Cas said, “I need to make an appointment with a doctor.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

The doctor confirmed Cas’ pregnancy. He prescribed prenatal vitamins and told Cas to eat better.   
Dean was there with him, and when they left the office, Dean sat in the car and told Cas they needed to talk.   
“Cas, you need to let me move in with you. You can’t do this all by yourself. You need help and I’m going to give it to you. We’re in this together. I love you. Let me help.”  
Cas was forced to agree this time. Dean gave notice at his dorm and gathered up his stuff. He was all moved in within two days.

The first thing he did was grocery shop. He got lots of fruits and veggies and stuff to make decent meals. Cas had been living on macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles far too long. Dean was determined that if Cas was going to have this baby, he was going to be as healthy as possible doing it.  
Cas was completely taken aback when he looked in the cabinets and the fridge.  
“What the fuck is all this?” Cas was still looking.  
Dean sat at the table. “It’s food, you dim wit. You have to start eating better and you need food to do that.”  
Cas stuck his tongue out at Dean, but smiled. “Yeah, okay.”

That night, in bed, Dean kissed Cas all over his face. “We can do this baby. We’ll get through this. I’m with you ever step of the way. In fact, I’ve been thinking…”  
Cas looked at him questioningly. “What?”  
Dean smiled at Cas. “I think we should get married. While you are still technically a female and you’re having my kid. Cas, will you marry me?”  
Cas was completely blown away. “Marry you? Us… get married? You want to marry me?”  
Dean laughed. “Look I know it’s a shock, but yes, and yeah, and yes.”  
Cas didn’t trust his voice. He just nodded, really hard and for a long time. He was still nodding when Dean pulled him in and started kissing him again,

They got married at the justice of the peace in a tiny civil ceremony. They invited their friends who stood up with them back to the house for beer and chips. In the end, Meg and Bobby got drunk and left together, with Dean yelling after them, “Use a condom. Believe me, it’s important.”

That night, in bed, Dean kissed Cas and said, “Hello, husband.’   
Cas smiled a sweet, toothy smile and said, “Hello to you, husband.”  
And for the first time, Dean leaned over and said, “Hey baby. I’m your daddy and I love you very much,” into Cas’ belly.  
Then he pushed Cas down and began to finger Cas’ clit. He rubbed and circled until Cas came, then he moved down. He pushed Cas’ legs apart and Cas lifted them. Dean lubed up his hand and shoved two fingers into Cas. Cas moaned and pushed against them.   
Before long, Dean moved up and put Cas’ legs on his shoulders. He pressed his cock into Cas. Cas gasped and pushed, Dean pushed and then he was in Cas as far as it was possible to get. He paused, both to allow Cas to adjust to having Dean in him, but also for Dean to just feel how wonderful it felt to be in Cas.   
Then he pulled back and pushed back in, and Cas moaned and grabbed his arms. Cas dug in his fingers and clung to Dean.   
Dean established a rhythm with Cas and he just lost himself in it. He leaned down and kissed Cas while he moved in and out.   
Eventually, he felt his climax coming, and he pushed in to Cas and held there. It washed over him and he felt his cock twitch inside Cas. Then he shot cum into Cas, over and over.  
He laid his head on Cas’ chest, and caught his breath. Then he rolled over to Cas’ side and put his arm around Cas.  
One arm around Cas and one hand on Cas’ belly, he said, “I love you so fucking much. I love both of you. I’m the luckiest man on the planet.”  
Cas grinned. “Oh yeah. Lucky. You accidently knocked up your transgendered boyfriend and now you’re stuck with him and the baby. Lucky.”  
For the first time since they met, Dean got angry. “You listen to me, Cas Winchester. I love you and I’m not ‘stuck’ with you or our baby. It pisses me off when you put yourself down. And the baby may have been an accident, but I think it’s a blessing now. So shut the fuck up with that shit, understood?”  
Cas eyes got big. “Understood. Sheesh, you’re bossy when you’re my husband.”

Cas decided to drop out for a semester. He still did research and term papers for students to supplement their income, but Dean did just fine. His family sent money every month and he was on a full ride scholarship. Dean hadn’t told his family about Cas yet, he was pretty sure they wouldn’t be understanding about the situation.  
Dean got a rebate on his dorm, too, which he put into the bank. He wanted to have money saved up for when the baby came.   
Dean also decided they needed a bigger apartment. Cas started looking for an affordable two-bedroom.   
Dean checked into the college health center for pre-natal care and to find out about where the baby could be born and how much it would cost. Dean managed to get Cas on Medicaid for the birth.  
Dean tried to take care of everything he could think of, so Cas only had to concentrate on taking care of himself and the baby. 

Cas found a nice little apartment and they moved in. Dean started to work on the nursery. He painted the walls green and put decals on the walls. He bought a crib. Then he waited for the ultrasound to tell them what sex their baby was.

Cas lay on the exam table with his belly exposed. Cas was definitely getting a bump and it made Dean really happy to talk to it and rub it.   
The tech came in and put some jelly stuff on Cas’ belly. He rubbed it around and they watched the screen. Then, they both saw a face. Cas sucked in a breath and Dean just stared. The tech moved the wand around a little more and the baby’s body came into view, with its tiny arms and legs.  
The tech moved a little more. “Want to know the baby’s sex?’  
Both Cas and Dean nodded, neither trusted their voice.  
“It’s a girl.”

Dean had tears in his eyes. He grabbed Cas’ hand and said, “That’s my daughter.”   
Cas laughed and said, “Yeah, husband, it’s your daughter.”


	8. Chapter 8

Cas was getting bigger, and along with that came things like having to pee a lot, swollen feet, back aches and even sudden weeping. Cas hated every one of these things with a white hot hatred, but the weepy part really pissed him off.

He was feeling more and more feminine. It was a real challenge to Cas. He had fought his entire life against his feminine appearance and now here he was, pregnant. That was pretty much the epitome of femininity. Cas was unhappy and an unhappy pregnant person equaled crying. A lot.

Dean was at a loss. He wanted to help but he didn’t have a clue how to. There was no way around the fact that Cas was pregnant and only females got pregnant.

Cas’ body was changing; he was beginning to develop breasts where he never had before. Everyone who saw him just assumed he was a female. At least before, they weren’t sure, or they thought he was a guy. That was gone now.

Dean thought counseling would help. The trick was to convince a weepy, hormonal Cas. Finally, Cas agreed. Dean made the appointment that very day.

Physically, Cas was doing very well. Every doctor appointment had the doctor praising Cas on how well he was doing. The doctor knew Cas’ situation. But finally, the ultimate insult happened. Cas got hemorrhoids. He was beside himself.

Dean almost laughed but he knew better. Cas would stab him in the eye if he did. But anal sex was definitely off the table.

Dean had a solution. He was nervous about suggesting it but in the end, he was too horny to ignore it so he sucked it up and talked to Cas.

“Uh Cas, I want to talk to you about something.”

Cas: “Yeah?”

Dean: “You know, there is another way we can have sex. I know you don’t really want to think about it but… well, I kind of need sex with you and I can’t think of another way.”

Cas: “I thought about it too. And yeah, I guess it is a viable alternative. So, yeah, let’s go for it.”

 

Dean didn’t have to be told twice. He pulled Cas to the bedroom while Cas giggled. He yanked Cas’ clothes off and put him on the bed, and then he yanked his own off as well.

He kissed Cas and shoved his tongue into Cas’ mouth. He kissed down Cas’ throat and nipped at his nipples, which turned out to be sore so he made a mental note to avoid them in the future.

He moved down and put his mouth on Cas’ vagina. He licked his clit, relishing the sounds Cas was making as he did. He ran his tongue around it and actually sucked on it a little.

Then he moved up and turned Cas on his side. He spooned up behind Cas and pushed his cock into Cas’ vagina. It felt pretty good, after all, it was Cas. It wasn’t as tight as Cas’ ass but it still felt good. It was hot inside and wet… Dean fucked Cas hard as usual, and he could feel the head of his cock hit the end of Cas’ vagina. Strange feeling but a little awesome.

Dean could feel his climax rising. His balls tightened and he felt the heat in his belly. He shot cum into Cas over and over. It was good. He liked it. He suspected he only liked it because it was Cas. He pulled out and played with Cas’ clit some more, soon Cas was coming too.

 

“How was it? Was it awful?” Cas was worrying.

Dean smiled and put one hand on Cas’ cheek. “It was fine, baby. I came, didn’t I? It was really different but it was you. I was in you. That’s what makes it awesome. That I’m fucking _you_.”

Cas smiled a little and lately, that was a win.

 

Cas’ breasts continued to get bigger and even leak a little milk. Cas hated it and wished he could bind them but he knew he couldn’t. Dean assured him that he didn’t have to breast-feed the baby and his breasts would go back to normal fairly quickly. Cas could see the truth of it but that didn’t help him now.

 

Dean wondered if Cas regretted his decision to have the baby, but he was a little afraid to ask. He wanted Cas to want this baby as much as he did. He understood how much Cas was giving up to bring this baby into the world, but Dean wanted Cas to want it, too.

One day, he just opened his mouth and asked.

“Cas, do you regret this? Are you sorry you agreed to have the baby?”

Cas looked surprised. He looked at Dean with his head cocked in that adorable way he had.

“Never. Oh I bitch about my body and what it’s going through, but honestly, I want this baby so badly. When I told you she was a part of you and that meant the world to me, I really meant it. This little girl is a living symbol of our love. I know that sounds dorky but it’s how I feel. I love you, Dean.”

Dean grabbed Cas and pulled him into Dean’s lap. “Fuck I love you too, Cas.”

 

Cas was going into his third trimester. He was huge. There was no other way to put it. His belly button turned out and he had a dark line dividing his body. His breasts were large now. He was tired a lot and peed all the time.

 

Cas had been to see the counselor and the guy had helped Cas deal with what was going on. Cas seemed more at peace with the entire thing. It boiled down to Cas putting his life on hold for a year in order to give Dean a daughter. Cas could do that. Cas was happy to give a year to Dean and his love. And this daughter was a physical manifestation of their love. Cas knew he was getting sappy, but he was so full of feelings these days.

 

Cass couldn‘t keep his eyes open most of the time. He slept for hours out of the day, and got behind in his research work. He finally felt like he needed to turn down work. It was all he could do to keep the house from getting lost in garbage, cooking and having sex. That took every bit of his energy.

Dean was helping. He did the wash and took care of the dishes and shit like that. He was a messy man, though, and picking up after his took a lot of Cas’ energy.

 

They sat and discussed names. Dean liked Mary and Ruby. Cas liked Hannah and Lisa. Finally they agreed on Meg. Meg Winchester sounded wonderful to Cas.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Cas was five weeks from his due date when his water broke. He was taking clothes out of the dryer and suddenly was all wet. Dean was sleeping. Cas yelled and Dean jumped up, completely nude, and ran out to him. He looked at the puddle on the floor and the very frightened Cas and went into power mode. He told Cas to stay put, he ran and pulled on some clothes and then went back and grabbed Cas up in his arms.

Cas was heavy, there was no doubt about that. But Dean had such a surge of adrenaline, he never noticed. He carried Cas to the car and drove to the hospital.

When he got there, he finally panicked. He ran in, yelling about his wife having a baby and how it was too early and he needed help now!

A couple of nurses got Cas into a wheelchair and pushed him to maternity. Dean had to stay back and fill out paperwork. Dean was antsy as hell but he did his best.

Finally, he found Cas in a room. He was hooked up to monitors and scared as hell. He started to cry as soon as he saw Dean.

“It’s too soon. I’m so scared. Oh Dean, what if she isn’t okay?”

Dean held Cas and rubbed his back. “Baby, I’m positive Meg is fine. We just have to be brave. Be brave for me baby, okay?”

Cas nodded, sniffing.

 

The doctor rolled in, smiling. “Cas, stop worrying. The baby looks fine and you are not having deep contractions yet. I think we can put this off for a week more, if we’re lucky, but you need to stay here.”

Cas breathed a sigh of relief. Dean hugged him. “See baby? I told you it would be fine.”

 

They gave Cas some IV drugs to stop his contractions and made him stay in bed except for trips to the bathroom. Dean stayed with Cas, sleeping in the bed with him. It was the only way Cas felt calm and safe.

Plus, Dean ran intervention with the staff, explaining to them to use male pronouns when talking to Cas. Whether or not they agreed with the whole thing didn’t matter to Dean one bit. He just wanted them to treat Cas with respect.

 

In the middle of the night on the fifth day, Cas went into contractions. The doctor was called and Cas was moved to another room, one set up for birthing. Dean was nervous has hell, but he held it together for Cas. Cas was scared, it was obvious. Dean just kept reassuring him.

It was a long night, with Cas’ contractions getting closer together and stronger every hour. Dean held his hand and let him dig his fingers into Dean’s hand until they bled. Cas was sweaty and pale, He seemed exhausted.

Finally they put Cas’ feet into stirrups. The doctor got on a stool in between Cas’ legs. He told Cas to push. Cas sat up and screamed, pushing as hard as he could. The doctor made him do it again. Again Cas screamed and pushed, crying with the effort.

Dean looked and saw hair. A tiny head was visible and it was covered with black hair. Dean sucked in his breath. Cas pushed again, with Dean holding his back.

And then, there was a baby. A tiny, red, wet baby was in the doctor’s hands. The nurse took her, and patted her on the back. They used a tiny syringe in her nose and mouth.

And then she began to cry. Dean let out the breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. Cas sobbed loudly. And Meg screamed her head off.

The pediatrician looked Meg over carefully. He said she was healthy, but would need to stay in the NICU for a couple of days just to monitor her. She was wrapped up and handed to Dean. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful and amazing thing on earth.

“Hi Meg. I’m your dad.”

Then Dean took her to Cas. Cas was crying so hard, but he held his daughter and felt a jolt of love that took his breath away. This little person was what Cas had given a year of his life for. And she was so worth it.

Dean couldn’t believe it when Cas put Meg to one of his breasts. Meg latched on and began to suck. Cas got a look on his face that was part sheer amazement and part confusion.

Dean said, “Baby? You know you don’t have to.”

Cas looked up at him and said, “I know. But everyone says it is so much better for the baby. And it feels… amazing. Sort of awesome.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head and said, “ _You’re_ amazing and awesome. I love you so fucking much.”

 

Cas and Meg were in the hospital for two days but then they got to go home. Dean strapped Meg into her car seat and then helped Cas into the car. He made sure Cas put on his seat belt.

“Wow, you got super protective.” Cas smiled

Dean just said, “Damn straight. The two of you are precious cargo.”

 

At home, Dean grabbed Meg’s car seat and then helped Cas out of the car. Cas was so glad to be home, but he was very tired. Dean told him to go take a nap. Dean assured Cas that he could take care of Meg, and if he needed anything he’d wake Cas up.

 

Cas slept soundly, but was awakened by Meg crying and he knew Meg was hungry. He got up and went out to see Dean with Meg in his arms. He was singing to Meg. The sight was so beautiful it just stopped him in his tracks.

Bur Meg’s crying started Cas’ milk leaking. Cas walked up to Dean and smiled. “You two looked awfully cute together.”

Dean grinned and handed Meg to Cas. Cas sat down and opened his shirt to reveal a breast that leaked milk. Cas put Meg to his breast and Meg latched on right away. Cas sucked in a breath.

Dean just sat on the couch and looked at them. It was such a beautiful sight to him. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to thank my good friend Raven Nocturne for help in this chapter. I needed a sounding board about Cas breastfeeding and she was very insightful. Thanks. Raven!

They settled in to a routine. Cas got up with Meg to feed her in the night and Dean tried to always get up too. He wanted to be completely supportive, plus he loved watching Cas feed Meg.

Cas took care of Meg during the day, while Dean was in class. Then Cas took a nap when Dean got home. Their early evenings, when Meg went to bed, was reserved strictly for sex.

Dean was back to strictly fucking Cas in the ass. He played with Cas’ clit and made him cum that way. Things were back to normal.

 

Cas had been trying to talk to Dean about telling his family. “After all, babe, not only are you married but they have a grandchild they know nothing about. You have got to tell them.”

Dean sighed a lot, but he knew Cas was right. For better or worse, his family needed to know.

So one Sunday afternoon, Dean sat Cas down on the couch with him, and he called his mom. After the initial ‘how are you’ and ‘why haven’t you called’ and ‘are you okay’ Dean said he had something to tell her.

“Mom, I’m married, I’m married and I have a baby.”

There was a shocked silence and then she said, “Dean. Why did you keep this from me? A baby?’

Dean sighed. “Mom, I’m married to a transgendered man. Female to male.”

Again, silence.

Finally she said, “Dean I don’t understand what you’re telling me. Please, explain it better.”

So Dean gave he a quick lesson on FTM trans people and more importantly, he explained all about Cas. He told her how Cas had gotten accidentally pregnant and chose to have the baby. Lastly, he told her about Meg.”

His mom simply said, “Well, Dean, there would have been a lot less to explain to me if you had tried a year ago. Let me speak to my…  well, my son-in-law I guess.”

Dean looked completely surprised, and handed Cas the phone.

Cas said, “Uh, hello?”

This led to them talking on the phone for a half an hour. When Cas handed Dean back the phone, he had a big smile on his face.

Dean finished the call by promising they would come for a visit, and Dean’s mom saying she was going to increase his allowance.

Dean was amazed. Blown away, really. Cas was still grinning and said, “Your mom’ a hoot. I really like her.”

Dean hugged Cas. _“_ Should have known. Everyone loves you.”

 

Cas was finishing up the dishes, Dean was sitting in a kitchen chair. When Cas turned around, Dean pulled Cas to him, until Cas had to spread his legs to straddle Dean’s legs. Dean reached up and undid Cas’ jeans.

“Dean, what are you…”

Dean yanked them down, along with Cas’ boxers. He buried his face in Dean’s crotch, licking, tonguing and sucking on Cas’ clit.

Cas moaned quietly.

Dean sucked on it, and ran his tongue over it until Cas came.

Then he lifted his face and said, “Is that baby asleep yet?”

Cas nodded. Dean stood up and threw Cas over his shoulder. Cas was giggling as Dean carried him to the bedroom. He dropped Cas onto the bed.

While he took his clothes off, Cas stripped. Then he told Cas to turn over onto his stomach.

Dean got between Cas legs and spread Cas’ legs far apart. He buried his face in Cas’ ass crack, licking across Cas’ hole. Cas moaned and pushed his ass against Dean’s face.

After licking Cas for a bit, Dean got the lube and lubed up Cas’ ass. Then he laid on top of Cas and pushed his cock deep inside Cas. Cas pushed up against him, groaning and sucking in deep breaths, trying to be quiet and not wake the baby.

Dean whispered in Cas’ ear, “I fucking love fucking you, you fucking beautiful beast.”

Cas giggled.

Dean lifted his upper body on his straightened arms and plowed Cas. When he came, he said, “Son of a bitch…” and filled Cas with his hot cum. After he pulled out, he licked up the cum that leaked out of Cas, making Cas squeak and wiggle.

 

Dean lay next to Cas afterwards, and said in a thoughtful tone, “I think I need to get a vasectomy. We don’t want any more accidents.”

Cas looked at him lovingly. “You’d do that for me?”

Dean looked slightly annoyed. “Of course I would, you goof. I don’t want any more accidents either. And after all, you are my husband. We’re in this for life.”

Cas kissed him for a long time.

 

Dean got his vasectomy a couple of weeks later. He said it didn’t hurt at all, and he just had to wait for it to heal before he could have sex again. Cas was so proud of him. Cas considered getting a tubal ligation as well, but Dean talked him out of it. He said that as long as his final test for sperm came back okay, there really was no need. He had no intentions of getting drunk and missing the right hole ever again. That gave Cas a belly laugh.

 

 

Dean’s mother was coming for a visit. The rest of Dean’s family had not taken his news well, but his mother was still, not only fine with it, but really looking forward to meeting Cas and her granddaughter.

Cas was concerned with where they were going to put her. Dean rented a fold-away bed for Meg’s room and said that was going to have to do because he sure as hell wasn’t giving up their bed.

She arrived and grabbed Cas for a hug even before she hugged Dean. Then she took Meg in her arms and the look of sheer love on her face almost made Cas cry.

She told Dean she was irritated with him for keeping this news to himself for so long, but she hugged him anyway and told him she loved him.

 

Later that night, Cas was breastfeeding Meg and Dean’s mom was sitting with her. Mary (Dean’s mom) asked Cas about how it felt to breastfeed Meg while feeling like a man.

Cas sighed and said, “It’s hard. Everyone sees me as female, even though I know I’m male. It just is confusing and makes it sort of hard.”

Mare looked at him and then at the baby, and said, “It seems to me that the only thing that matters here is how you see yourself. And second, how Dean sees you. I can see that you both see you as male and isn’t that all that matters? I mean you have this beautiful baby and each other, who really cares how the rest of the world sees you?”

And that really made Cas stop and think.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Mary stayed another week. She loved Cas and Cas loved her back. Cas had never really had a mother in his life, and Mary was more than happy to take that spot in Cas’ life.

Dean promised they’d come home for Christmas. Mary was going to send more money every month to help them out until Dean graduated and got a good job. Money was not an issue for her and she loved helping them out.

 

Dean noticed that Cas was a lot more comfortable with people seeing him as female after Mary left. He asked, and Cas told him what Mary had said. He was really moved and very proud of Cas that he took that to heart.

 

 

**_A year later_ **

****

Cas took his pills. He had been on hormone therapy for six months now. He had a beard that he kept cut close, because Dean loved scruff. His voice was lower and he had more musculature. Dean thought he was absolutely gorgeous.

Even his clit had gotten bigger, longer, and much more sensitive.

Meg was walking and getting into everything. Most of the time, she just wanted to be with Cas. Dean didn’t mind, he understood their bond. She loved him too and insisted he sing her to sleep every night.

Dean was in his last semester of school and was actively looking for a teaching job.

Everything was just about perfect.

 

Cas was trying to decide about getting a penile implant. Some real breakthroughs had been made in Sweden, and Cas could get one if he wanted.

Dean sat Cas down.

“I really don’t think you should, Cas. Obviously I’ll support you whatever you decide to do, but I want you to think about this carefully. With the implant, you won’t be able to climax. That is huge. Because right now, all I have to do is to reach between your legs and I can make you cum in no time. I can make you cum with my hand or my mouth. I can make you cum several times a day. Hell, even a working cock has a limit. I can only get hard about four or five times a day now. But you? Hell, I can make you cum twenty times a day if I want to.’

Dean pulled Cas to him and said, “Spread your legs, Cas.” Dean pulled Cas’ sweats down and put his hand on Cas’ clit. He rubbed and played with it and Cas began to moan. Soon, he came.

“See baby? Why would you give up that, just to have something that looks good in your pants?  After all, I’m the only one who’s ever going to see the damn thing anyway. Or I fucking better be the only one.”

 

All this made perfect sense to Cas. He was absolutely happy and satisfied the way he was.

 

His life was perfect. He’d come such a long way from the scared guy he was when Dean met him.

 

Blessed. His life was blessed.

 

 


End file.
